alcoholic anonymous

Hi, my name is Cecil and I've been sober for the past 104 hours.

That's almost five days.

I can't believe it but after Friday night's drinking, I am not craving for beer. In the past few weeks or months, I feel like I've been drinking every other day.

Maybe I'm over my drinking phase. Maybe not. Maybe I just need a little space from my usual drinking buddies. Maybe not.

Maybe I now realize that it's futile to drink with a hidden agenda. For the past few months, I thought that one cannot have as much fun as s/he would when s/he is sober. I thought that I could use my being drunk as an excuse to doing things carefreely, to a point carelessly.

Somehow, in some way, I manage to sober up in times that I think someone has to be taken care of (i.e. puking incident). Especially if it's me (i.e dancing with officemate incident) -- I figured I can't expect anybody to take care of me or protect me. Not my officemates. Not my friends. Not my closest friends.

It's not that I don't trust them. I mean, I would take care of them when it's needed and I'm sure that some of them they would return the favor. It's just that when everyone's out having fun and drunk, it just can't be assumed that someone else will be responsible for me.

I alone am responsible. For my actions. For any possible outcome and consequences in any given situation. For myself.

P.S.
I've managed to cut down my smoking as well. I'm down to five sticks a day to my former 10 sticks a day.