post-analysis of "the little man in quiapo"
I just read Kai's blog and she reacted to my previous post. Being a mother, she shared her side of the story and how she cared for her son.
I posted a comment on her entry and came up with this:
* * *
When I was 20, I was diagnosed with PCO (Polycystic Ovaries). According to a site, one out of every five women have that. One out of every three PCO women have PCOS (Polycystic Ovaries Syndrome). Unfortunately for me, I have PCOS.
The gist is: Polycystic ovaries tend not to release their eggs regularly and, without treatment, there may be problems with fertility.
I consulted a lot of ob-gyne just so that I'd get a second, third, fourth, fifth, etc opinon about the initial diagnosis. They all came up the same. They said that all though I was defined as generally infertile, a lot of women with PCOS get pregnant. They forgot to point out that most of them developed PCO after giving birth. They did say that the fertility can be induced. They all encouraged me to get married early so that I can have my first baby at 25. The older I get, the harder it would be to have my first baby. They gave me until 27 to have my first child that way I can have the three kids that I wanted.
Over the years what stuck to me was that I was hormonally imbalanced. I wasn't ovulating and that there was only one in a million chance that I would get pregnant if I had sex unprotected. Initially, I have to say it was fun. After all, that would have made me the perfect girlfriend. All sex with no possibility of getting pregnant. I wanted to have a baby someday so I went on with their prescription of pills. Their explanation, it will prevent the follicles from bursting unnecessarily and thus they will be preserved until such time I wanted to get pregnant.
Now that I'm older, the perfect girlfriend scenario does not seem so perfect after all.
Some of my cousins have PCO and one of them got the one-in-a-million chance of getting pregnant through unprotected sex -- Gab was brought to the world. I know that I'll have my chance someday to bring children into this world, but I can't help wondering if that point never comes.
It saddened me that some women were given the east opportunity to have kids but did not take it or did not prove themselves worthy of the title "Mother." Whereas I, one who would want my own kids, am cursed with the inability to have kids in the natural fashion as prescribed of being a woman.
I can't wait for the time that I will get as big as a house and endure the pain of giving birth. I can't wait for the first time I hold her in my arms, count the fingers in her hand and toes, bathe her and breastfeed her. I can't wait to smell her the way I know how babies smell. I can't wait for her first crawl and walk, her first word even if it's going to be "Dada", her first kiss and hug, and her first "I love you, Mommy."
I want to be able to spend the first four years of her life with her -- being her first bestfriend, teacher, and yaya in one. I want to teach her to ride a bike, run and play with her, and introduce her to a world outside our family and home. On her first day of school, I want to bring her there and wait for her until she finishes classes so that she can tell me about the new friends she made. I can't wait for her pre-school graduation up to the time she enters her puberty.
I want to be there when she experiences her first crush, her first dance, and her first heartache. I want to be a mom and a bestfriend to her the way my mom is with me. I want to be there in every step of the way until the day, she walks down the aisle with her father to start her own family.
My mom said that God has the power to overturn whatever scientific findings they have on me. After all, PCO is one of the most common hormonal disorders. Even my latest TVS showed that my follicles are no longer at the ovaries lining but nearing the middle (being in the middle is the norm).
Although I'm optimistic, I can't help but think I may not be able to have kids because there is no 100% guarantee. Does it make me less of a woman if I cannot bring life into this world? Would it make me less of a wife to a husband who wants kids?
I posted a comment on her entry and came up with this:
hay kai... ako, i really wanted to keep the little boy. i want to be a mom someday but somehow it's not as easy for me as it is with other women. so i'm not sure how i'll fare in that department.
i want to feel what you felt when you brought joaqui into the world and how you cared for him. i want to have someone to hug and hug me back and feel all the pain in the world would disappear with just an "i love you, mommy."
maybe that's why i was so emotinal about the post. cause i'm not sure if i can be a mom, while some mothers take for granted the children that God so freely given.
When I was 20, I was diagnosed with PCO (Polycystic Ovaries). According to a site, one out of every five women have that. One out of every three PCO women have PCOS (Polycystic Ovaries Syndrome). Unfortunately for me, I have PCOS.
The gist is: Polycystic ovaries tend not to release their eggs regularly and, without treatment, there may be problems with fertility.
I consulted a lot of ob-gyne just so that I'd get a second, third, fourth, fifth, etc opinon about the initial diagnosis. They all came up the same. They said that all though I was defined as generally infertile, a lot of women with PCOS get pregnant. They forgot to point out that most of them developed PCO after giving birth. They did say that the fertility can be induced. They all encouraged me to get married early so that I can have my first baby at 25. The older I get, the harder it would be to have my first baby. They gave me until 27 to have my first child that way I can have the three kids that I wanted.
Over the years what stuck to me was that I was hormonally imbalanced. I wasn't ovulating and that there was only one in a million chance that I would get pregnant if I had sex unprotected. Initially, I have to say it was fun. After all, that would have made me the perfect girlfriend. All sex with no possibility of getting pregnant. I wanted to have a baby someday so I went on with their prescription of pills. Their explanation, it will prevent the follicles from bursting unnecessarily and thus they will be preserved until such time I wanted to get pregnant.
Now that I'm older, the perfect girlfriend scenario does not seem so perfect after all.
Some of my cousins have PCO and one of them got the one-in-a-million chance of getting pregnant through unprotected sex -- Gab was brought to the world. I know that I'll have my chance someday to bring children into this world, but I can't help wondering if that point never comes.
It saddened me that some women were given the east opportunity to have kids but did not take it or did not prove themselves worthy of the title "Mother." Whereas I, one who would want my own kids, am cursed with the inability to have kids in the natural fashion as prescribed of being a woman.
I can't wait for the time that I will get as big as a house and endure the pain of giving birth. I can't wait for the first time I hold her in my arms, count the fingers in her hand and toes, bathe her and breastfeed her. I can't wait to smell her the way I know how babies smell. I can't wait for her first crawl and walk, her first word even if it's going to be "Dada", her first kiss and hug, and her first "I love you, Mommy."
I want to be able to spend the first four years of her life with her -- being her first bestfriend, teacher, and yaya in one. I want to teach her to ride a bike, run and play with her, and introduce her to a world outside our family and home. On her first day of school, I want to bring her there and wait for her until she finishes classes so that she can tell me about the new friends she made. I can't wait for her pre-school graduation up to the time she enters her puberty.
I want to be there when she experiences her first crush, her first dance, and her first heartache. I want to be a mom and a bestfriend to her the way my mom is with me. I want to be there in every step of the way until the day, she walks down the aisle with her father to start her own family.
My mom said that God has the power to overturn whatever scientific findings they have on me. After all, PCO is one of the most common hormonal disorders. Even my latest TVS showed that my follicles are no longer at the ovaries lining but nearing the middle (being in the middle is the norm).
Although I'm optimistic, I can't help but think I may not be able to have kids because there is no 100% guarantee. Does it make me less of a woman if I cannot bring life into this world? Would it make me less of a wife to a husband who wants kids?
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home