handling breakups

As I watched Sex and the City's episode on Burger's Post-it Breakup with Carrie, it made me remember all the other break-ups I experienced:

• T - on the street along El Pueblo, Ortigas (I can still remember the exact spot). He told me he needed space a.k.a. he cheated on me with some 16-year old chatter, while I was in Subic for a weekend with family. I remember him saying he snogged her in the Chicago restaurant in Katipunan and that they were "feeling" each other in public.
• M - in a motel room in Pasig (he said he wanted privacy and he couldn't afford to do it in the car in public). I remember he made me this heartfelt letter saying that we couldn't really be together-together because he was already married. I remember crying and screaming that he was such a liar while I was reading it infront of him. I wanted to bang my head on the wall after reading that. Hmmm, I think I did.
• F - in his mom's car. I think he's been trying to breakup with me since UK by saying doing despicable things just so that I'd end up breaking up with him. That didn't work because I loved him too much. He did us the favor by being man enough to make the decision and stand by it.

All of the official boyfriend breakups happened in person. Somehow, I just couldn't imagine being broken up with on the phone, much less a post-it. It really does leave a bad taste on the mouth. Be man enough to do it in person, after all, the relationship, sour as it may be, deserves more than a phone call or a piece of paper. At least, if it's worth anything at all.

I understand that man are sometimes not man enough to actually break someone's heart. (For the love of me, I couldn't imagine breaking a guy's heart.) My point is, after the hysterics and the crying that men fear to see, women would always reach the point that they would accept the decision that they are no longer wanted. Painful as it might sound, it's just the way it is.

Things happen for a reason. As they pointed out in the show, there's always a lesson learned after a bad breakup/relationship. Something good will always come out of a series of misfortunes. And that the sequence of events in our lives are paved for some great master plan.

Somehow, I can't bring to think myself of what good comes out from mine. Nor could I see, or even have an inkling, of what is in store for me. It seems to be that I have fallen in and out of love for some guys to experience some sort of pain. Yes, it made me a better person blah blah blah. But to what purpose am I being better of?

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My friend, Karen, tells me that when I write, I start out with a question, share my personal experience, and end up with some realization of some sort. Guess what? This isn't one of those posts. I am left with questioning my relationships' existence, and up until now I'm still dumbfounded.