torn
I'm hardly unaffected by the comments in my most controversial post. I didn't write that post to elicit these kind of reactions (although I should have seen it coming.) I chose not to comment because I don't want to choose between the people I love.
Until now.
I understand my friends' concerns in my predicament. I understand that they are protective and care very much for my welfare. They don't want me to get hurt because God knows how many times they were there to dry the tears in my eyes. I'm sure they just want me to be happy and find someone that I can live "happily-ever-after" with.
The problem is: They don't have any idea how happy I am (or have been) since I've been with him. He has been judged for his marital status and not the person that he is. Especially not the person that he is when he is with me (not to be taken literally).
It would be difficult to put in to words what we have but I will try. This is short of explaining "our" existence, which does not, in any way, justify what we have.
Looking past the ring on his finger, he has been good to me. He makes me laugh. He allows me to be myself. I have more self-confidence now than I had a couple of months back. In short, he brings out the best in me. He helps me dream of a life I would want to have in the future. It's like experiencing love the first time around -- complete with the teenage giddy feelings and pillow talks at night. This is something I have lost over the years of heartaches. He is helping me revive that romantic part of me.
Yes, I know that this relationship is not the kind that lasts forever. There will come a time that I would be experiencing another heartbreak. But this time, it is different. We both know I'm not the one who's going to be left behind. He and I are both aware that I have one foot outside the door. Despite his male pride, he encourages me to graze until I can find someone who I can spend the rest of my life, living the dreams he and I made together.
He makes me happy like no one can right now. I cannot expect my friends to understand this because they're not in my shoes. My officemates, despite his current situation, accepted him for the good that he brings. They opted not to judge because they know they cannot give the happiness that he is currently giving me. Though, they did say to take care.
Had you asked me a month ago if I was willing to go had God willed me to, I would have said, "Willingly." For the main reason that I felt I have nothing to live for, that my future is bleak and lonely. Honestly, he gave me hope. Hhe gave me a reason to look forward to the next day and the day after that. He painted with me a future that I want to have someday. Something that I am very much looking forward to.
Knowing I know what I want (love), how he feels, and where my friends stand, I hope I won't be asked to choose. I am banking that the years of friendship will not go sour because I opt not to agree with the prevalent opinion.
I was once told, "Don't expect me to stand by you when you know very well how I feel about your situation." I sincerely hope this wouldn't be the case with the friends I have treasured the most since my highschool days.
Until now.
I understand my friends' concerns in my predicament. I understand that they are protective and care very much for my welfare. They don't want me to get hurt because God knows how many times they were there to dry the tears in my eyes. I'm sure they just want me to be happy and find someone that I can live "happily-ever-after" with.
The problem is: They don't have any idea how happy I am (or have been) since I've been with him. He has been judged for his marital status and not the person that he is. Especially not the person that he is when he is with me (not to be taken literally).
It would be difficult to put in to words what we have but I will try. This is short of explaining "our" existence, which does not, in any way, justify what we have.
Looking past the ring on his finger, he has been good to me. He makes me laugh. He allows me to be myself. I have more self-confidence now than I had a couple of months back. In short, he brings out the best in me. He helps me dream of a life I would want to have in the future. It's like experiencing love the first time around -- complete with the teenage giddy feelings and pillow talks at night. This is something I have lost over the years of heartaches. He is helping me revive that romantic part of me.
Yes, I know that this relationship is not the kind that lasts forever. There will come a time that I would be experiencing another heartbreak. But this time, it is different. We both know I'm not the one who's going to be left behind. He and I are both aware that I have one foot outside the door. Despite his male pride, he encourages me to graze until I can find someone who I can spend the rest of my life, living the dreams he and I made together.
He makes me happy like no one can right now. I cannot expect my friends to understand this because they're not in my shoes. My officemates, despite his current situation, accepted him for the good that he brings. They opted not to judge because they know they cannot give the happiness that he is currently giving me. Though, they did say to take care.
Had you asked me a month ago if I was willing to go had God willed me to, I would have said, "Willingly." For the main reason that I felt I have nothing to live for, that my future is bleak and lonely. Honestly, he gave me hope. Hhe gave me a reason to look forward to the next day and the day after that. He painted with me a future that I want to have someday. Something that I am very much looking forward to.
Knowing I know what I want (love), how he feels, and where my friends stand, I hope I won't be asked to choose. I am banking that the years of friendship will not go sour because I opt not to agree with the prevalent opinion.
I was once told, "Don't expect me to stand by you when you know very well how I feel about your situation." I sincerely hope this wouldn't be the case with the friends I have treasured the most since my highschool days.
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