merging of worlds
I posted in the previous post of how I have never properly introduced my dates/boyfriends to my groups of friends unless it was by accident or some bizarre circumstance.
But I never explained why.
It is my belief that friends are there to stay forever. There's a big comfort that no matter how much you disagree with each other or fight, you can always count on each other. In my entire lifetime, I can count in one hand the number of people I turned away from, whereas the friends I kept through my 26 years are numerous as the stars in the sky.
When I am asked to choose to do an activity between a friend and a boyfriend or a conflict of schedule arises, I know my friends would understand if I chose the boyfriend rather than them. If I were to chose between them and the boyfriend, I know they will forgive me if I were to temporarily and insanely choose the latter, because they will know I will come to my senses one day and go back running to them.
That's why I kept my friends' world and relationship world separate for the past six years that I've been allowed to have a relationship. I like the idea that there is a part of my world that the boyfriend left untouched, that in case he goes away and leave me, I still have that part of my world in tact.
Call it self-preservation. Call it a world solely my own, untarnished by the one I love. But I cannot afford to give my whole self to the one I love (as it is I am giving more than enough,) unless I am sure I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him.
This time is the first time that I wanted to introduce a guy to my circles of friends before actually getting involved with him. I wanted Mark to meet my college, highschool, yfc, work, and masterals barkada before I actually get to be in a relationship with him. I wanted him to get to know these people who are a part of my life and I want them to get to know him. It's not like I'm seeking approval, but rather I wanted to do it right this time around. Instead of just surprising my friends with "Hey, guess what? I have a boyfriend. But you're not likely to meet him until I'm sure I'm walking down the altar with him."
With the Mark sitch, I still want to introduce him to my friends and let them get to know him even though we're just friends. I am lying if I say there's not one iota of hope that he'll change his mind about his current girlfriend, but it's more of I want him to really get to know me through my relationships with my friends, that I never allowed before. It's the same way I'm getting to know him through his friends -- who are becoming close to me as well.
Mark and I as very good friends. Just good friends.
Mark put it nicely when he told me last night, "I'd rather have you as my friend for the rest of my life, even if it means not having the chance to be with you in a relationship, than to go on without you."
I asked him why, saying that he had other friends who are girls already.
He said, "Cause you're special and I like you."
Nahks. Sweet.
I'm beginning to like the word "like" a lot these days.
But I never explained why.
It is my belief that friends are there to stay forever. There's a big comfort that no matter how much you disagree with each other or fight, you can always count on each other. In my entire lifetime, I can count in one hand the number of people I turned away from, whereas the friends I kept through my 26 years are numerous as the stars in the sky.
When I am asked to choose to do an activity between a friend and a boyfriend or a conflict of schedule arises, I know my friends would understand if I chose the boyfriend rather than them. If I were to chose between them and the boyfriend, I know they will forgive me if I were to temporarily and insanely choose the latter, because they will know I will come to my senses one day and go back running to them.
That's why I kept my friends' world and relationship world separate for the past six years that I've been allowed to have a relationship. I like the idea that there is a part of my world that the boyfriend left untouched, that in case he goes away and leave me, I still have that part of my world in tact.
Call it self-preservation. Call it a world solely my own, untarnished by the one I love. But I cannot afford to give my whole self to the one I love (as it is I am giving more than enough,) unless I am sure I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him.
This time is the first time that I wanted to introduce a guy to my circles of friends before actually getting involved with him. I wanted Mark to meet my college, highschool, yfc, work, and masterals barkada before I actually get to be in a relationship with him. I wanted him to get to know these people who are a part of my life and I want them to get to know him. It's not like I'm seeking approval, but rather I wanted to do it right this time around. Instead of just surprising my friends with "Hey, guess what? I have a boyfriend. But you're not likely to meet him until I'm sure I'm walking down the altar with him."
With the Mark sitch, I still want to introduce him to my friends and let them get to know him even though we're just friends. I am lying if I say there's not one iota of hope that he'll change his mind about his current girlfriend, but it's more of I want him to really get to know me through my relationships with my friends, that I never allowed before. It's the same way I'm getting to know him through his friends -- who are becoming close to me as well.
Mark and I as very good friends. Just good friends.
Mark put it nicely when he told me last night, "I'd rather have you as my friend for the rest of my life, even if it means not having the chance to be with you in a relationship, than to go on without you."
I asked him why, saying that he had other friends who are girls already.
He said, "Cause you're special and I like you."
Nahks. Sweet.
I'm beginning to like the word "like" a lot these days.
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