the worst day of your life can be the best day yet
This afternoon, I received text messages that made my day plummet to the core of the earth. Mark told me that he can't accompany me to the wedding and birthday party because he and his girlfriend had a big fight about it last night. Apparently, she's jealous of me.
So what if he had promised to accompany me? So what if he didn't keep his word (like he never did before?) So what if he assured me that it was ok and insisted that he will be there? So what if he was the one who wanted to keep the friendship?
It was so frustrating to read his messages, like Of course we can still be friends. But not as close as we used to be. I should have known better that his words I like you better than her meant nothing at all because he's with her and not with me.
I never intended to steal him away from her. Even after I realized just how much I'm infatuated with him. The ball's in his court and I didn't try to convince or manipulate him so that he'd chose me. Despite all that I feel for him and what I have written in this blog, I never intended to act on it.
Now he's made his choice. Fine. I accept that. I can live with that.
But I'm still f*cking pissed that he broke his word with me. I'm f*cking irritated that he couldn't defend our friendship to her. I'm f*cking angry because this means Iain't am not worth sh*t to him - like he made me believe. I'm f*cking mad at myself for falling for an arsehole, albeit an honest one, again.
Urgh.
I don't blame the girlfriend. I blame him for making a promise he couldn't keep. I blame myself for falling in a deep shit like this.
* * *
Surely, I was experiencing a bad afternoon. I smoked like four sticks straight to vent my frustration.
As I went on with my tasks at work, I tried to refocus my anger to doing a damn good job at my costing model. When I went to my meeting, I put on a business face and did my best to impress our marketing head that I knew what I was talking about and that I'm gonna do a fine job in the proposal. For our christmas party, I cajoled the managers at work to smile for the camera as I took digital images of them for the party's avp.
It was with one of the managers that I experienced the most pleasant surprise. She told me, effective Novermber 1, 2004, I have been promoted to the next level!
YAHOO! I got the promotion I've been waiting for, for months now!
God, I wanted to hug her. Except that I wasn't that chummy with her. I had to embrace myself just so that I wouldn't do anything excessive like jump up and down and wave my hands in the air or scream my head off.
She went on telling that I was good at doing my job but I could barely hear her. I was in a state of shock! I could hardly believe it. Until now, it hasn't sinked in that much. Primarily because I'd be receiving the pay adjustment at the end of December still. The papers are already moving and I have yet to receive it.
Thank you, Lord!
=)
So what if he had promised to accompany me? So what if he didn't keep his word (like he never did before?) So what if he assured me that it was ok and insisted that he will be there? So what if he was the one who wanted to keep the friendship?
It was so frustrating to read his messages, like Of course we can still be friends. But not as close as we used to be. I should have known better that his words I like you better than her meant nothing at all because he's with her and not with me.
I never intended to steal him away from her. Even after I realized just how much I'm infatuated with him. The ball's in his court and I didn't try to convince or manipulate him so that he'd chose me. Despite all that I feel for him and what I have written in this blog, I never intended to act on it.
Now he's made his choice. Fine. I accept that. I can live with that.
But I'm still f*cking pissed that he broke his word with me. I'm f*cking irritated that he couldn't defend our friendship to her. I'm f*cking angry because this means I
Urgh.
I don't blame the girlfriend. I blame him for making a promise he couldn't keep. I blame myself for falling in a deep shit like this.
Surely, I was experiencing a bad afternoon. I smoked like four sticks straight to vent my frustration.
As I went on with my tasks at work, I tried to refocus my anger to doing a damn good job at my costing model. When I went to my meeting, I put on a business face and did my best to impress our marketing head that I knew what I was talking about and that I'm gonna do a fine job in the proposal. For our christmas party, I cajoled the managers at work to smile for the camera as I took digital images of them for the party's avp.
It was with one of the managers that I experienced the most pleasant surprise. She told me, effective Novermber 1, 2004, I have been promoted to the next level!
YAHOO! I got the promotion I've been waiting for, for months now!
God, I wanted to hug her. Except that I wasn't that chummy with her. I had to embrace myself just so that I wouldn't do anything excessive like jump up and down and wave my hands in the air or scream my head off.
She went on telling that I was good at doing my job but I could barely hear her. I was in a state of shock! I could hardly believe it. Until now, it hasn't sinked in that much. Primarily because I'd be receiving the pay adjustment at the end of December still. The papers are already moving and I have yet to receive it.
Thank you, Lord!
=)
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