confessions of a serial dater... with a guilty conscience

"I don't think we should go out anymore."

"No, it's not something you did or didn't do. I just don't feel comfortable going out with you anymore."

"I don't know how to say this without causing more damage but I'm just not comfortable."

"Ok. To be honest with you, I don't like the way you stare at me or getting too near me whenever we talk. I don't like you touching me either."

"No, it's not because you don't have a car! Jesus!"

"I can't be friends with you, knowing how you feel and how I feel."

"No, it's not because you told me you've fallen in love with me or that you want sex. I just don't see the point of going out when I know I don't like you the way you like me."

"It's better to end it now than later when it could cause more damage."

"No, I don't think it's a good idea to even talk on the phone."

"It would do more good if we stop talking to each other."

"I'm really sorry."

* * *

Last night, for the first time in my life, I was an arsehole. Granted that my social calender is filled to the brim and that I had gone out with 6 guys (individually) in a span of two weeks, I never thought I'd do what I did last night.

I never thought I'd use the lines that guys would normally use when they don't want to see a girl anymore. I've heard some of them myself.

But I knew I had to do it last night.

However, I didn't want to take the cowardly route of not replying to his texts or not answering his calls. I met up with him and told him person it was better off that we don't see each other anymore.

I once mentioned him in this blog (see Tagalog post.) I met him for a short while when I had the reunion gimik with my AITI friends. I went out with him on a real date on his birthday last week, where I had a so-so time. Until the time he kissed me in the taxi ride home.

I felt sick.

I don't normally kiss on the first date. I especially don't like it when I guy has his tongue out within the first three seconds of the kiss.

EOWW!!!

I knew then that whatever "being friends" he had in mind will not be the same definition as my definition. This meant I had to end it.

But how? Not be in touch with him. I don't think he'd get the message.

Over the next days, we didn't get to talk much. (Thank God!) That is until Tuesday night when he missed call me a gazillion times. Obviously he didn't mean to talk to me cause he was dropping the call after one ring.

The only way to end it was to do it in person. That's what happened last night. And that's what I told him.

Ok, so I felt bad afterwards. Not really guilty because I knew that it had to be done. But I felt so bad that I had to hurt him in the process.