an open letter to someone

Dear Someone,

I know you said that love is not something that can be controlled and willed. You’re right, in a sense. But I hope you know that love only happens when your heart and mind are open to it. It finds you, but only if you are receptive.

I realize that you may have your mind set already on certain things based on preconceived notions that you have incurred in the past. Whatever these are, it affects you as a person and your perceptions and decisions. Your experiences in love and life (good and bad) have made an impression on you and may have clouded or cleared your views.

Naturally, love involves a second party – the beloved. Hence, you set guidelines to be followed in choosing your perfect mate, playing it safe and keeping in mind the opinions of others, your family and friends, and what is socially acceptable. All along you are being logical, practical, and meticulously taking calculated risks so as not to be hurt.

But, tell me, is love ever rational? Or even simple?

Sometimes I think yes. After all, there has to be a reason why you love someone. But other times I don’t think so. Because it can hurt you like nothing else can, and still you love. Even irritating quirks and habits become acceptable when done by someone you love and still not by others.

I know for a fact that love is a decision. When it does happen to you, accepting love and continuing to pursue it would be a choice you have to make. Not to pursue it, for whatever reason, is also an option. This is the risk you have to take. Love consumes you, reaches the very depth of your soul, and brings you unimaginable joy… and pain.

To love is to be able to give your heart, a part of yourself, to someone, knowing fully well that they could hurt you unintentionally or otherwise. It is giving the recipient of your love power over you – the power to make you happy or cry, and influence you.

This vulnerability, and the trust that comes with it, is what makes love different from all other emotions. It is not a reaction to something or irrational emotion, rather it is a state of being. Its worth does not depend on what is given versus what is received. Love is not a result of an “if-then-else” statement. If you do this, then I love you more, else I love you less. Love is not love if it is based on conditions and reactions.

If love is reactive, then what makes it different from how a person respond to a person at a certain place, certain time, and certain circumstance? If another person plays her cards right, and emotions are manipulated – the idea of love is then reduced to a mere consequence.

In the end, love may thrive, fade or die, but this is a conscious choice. You make an effort to nurture love and your beloved sustains it with care. Without one or the other, love slowly slips away. It can be revived, or it can just expire. With the right mindset, though, it just might be the kind that lasts forever.

Yours truly,
Someone Who Loved