house of singles

For years, Cookie has this idea of building a house for her and her single friends, like Paul and myself. She said it's going to be on top of a cliff, near a beach.

Or something like that.

But now, Cookie is not as single as she used to be. She's been seeing (and blogging) about this guy, but they're not officially together (yet!) Let's just say, he's seeing him more than I'm seeing her. She no longer calls me when she's drunk. She calls him!

I know. I know. That sounds pretty bad.

I've never really been possessive of my friends and I would never be a hurdle to their happiness. But you cannot take the feeling of "loss" from me. You see, Cookie is the closest friend I have. She has seen me through for more than half of my life, both good and mostly bad times. She's my life vest, my safety net, my pillar of strength and independence, and my Amazing Race partner.

Yes, I am aware that she will always be my friend. Except, she won't be available as she used to be. It's bad enough that I know she's a workaholic and spends 12 hours a day in the office. Now the rest of her free time is spent with him.

Ok, I admit I resent his existence in her life because that would mean she won't be there like she used. Or she would end up bringing him along like last night. (Actually, she invited me to come along in their date.)

I'm not selfish (although I sound like it.) I want her to be happy (and he's making her happy.)

*sigh*

I used to find solace in the thought that if I'm going to grow old alone (single), I know I'd grow old alone with Cookie (who would be single, as well.) Now, I'd have to find the courage to grow old by myself.

* * *
Cookie,

I know you're reading this. I hope you read between the lines that I'm happy for you that you found someone who can brighten up your day after the four++ years in darkness. I'm glad that you have a romantic social life, outside work and gym (and your friends.)

Also, I hope you understand I'm just venting that things are changing way sooner than I had anticipated. That these are just my fears.

I love you, girl. No matter what I'm always going to be here for you.