wtf moment

When you have a wish or dream that you want to come true, you don't shout it out in the world because you're afraid that you might jinx it.

* * *
Two months ago, I submitted my letter of resignation because I wanted to take a break from working. In the last two years, I have been a Management Trainee and it caused me to age BIG time. When the CEO asked me why, I told him my reasons and it's not because I'm looking for (or have) a new job.

He accepted my resignation as such.

Lately, some people in the office are asking me to stay, which I blogged. One person in particular is setting up projects my way so that I would retract my resignation or extend. I consider this person as my mentor and I told him things about why I'm resigning and where I'm possibly going. He's been trying to make me stay using arguments based on the things I told him. I told him I'm considering my options.

Yesterday, I told him that I decided to push through with my resignation because of an opportunity I may have with a certain company. I told him that things were looking up and I had another interview sceduled next week. He told me his opinion and he accepted my decision. We closed it as that.

I didn't tell a lot of people the name of the company I may be working for because i didn't to jinx it. I don't even bother mentioning it to other people because I really am going to take a break and not a new job because i didn't to jinx it.

HOWEVER.

In a proposal meeting this afternoon with the CEO, he dropped the bomb that I'm transferring to another company. He didn't mention the name but he made it sound like everything is ironed oput.

I was shocked that he did that. I mean, I told him that in confidence. Why would he initiate a discussion with the CEO that is out of topic?

The CEO then wanted to know what company I'm headed to. I told him that it's not yet final, that I only had one interview. He insisted to know and so I told. The CEO told me his opinion and I listened but at the back of my mind, "Why the hell did he do that???"

After the CEO left, I confronted him. He said it's because he just wanted to manage my transitioning out well. That he didn't want me to burn bridges since the company has been calling my current company for reference check.

I know he meant well but I just couldn't help but feel betrayed.

newest addition to the family

cha-cha
half-siamese
half-persian

choo-choo
somewhat pekingese
somewhat lhasa apso
somewhat japanese spitz

when they're not wrestling each other

bumming in Ateneo

I didn't go to work last Friday. Instead, I watched how Pistons lost to the Spurs in Game 7. Sayang. Tsk tsk. I was hoping they would keep their title.

Then I headed to ADMU and had lunch at Manang's. Yum yum. My kids and two officemates were with me. After lunch, we surpised our old teacher by sitting at the back of the classroom waiting for him to arrive. He thought we were new students until he took a second glance.

Boy did he want to cry! Hahaha =) After all, we were representatives of Batch 1999, 2001, and 2004, sitting in the class of 2006!

After a brief chit-chat, we left the room. My officemates went back to work while I went around the campus looking for familiar faces. There were very few.

The campus changed a lot and so did the studentry. I can't believe these kids wear skimpy clothes to school! I mean, how could the teacher concentrate seeing the crotch of the student?!

Ok, ok... Maybe I'm overthinking things but I just couldn't take it.

Anyway, I got a chance to go online in one of the computer labs, (good that I still know some of the dinosaurs there... joke!), where I saw one of my OJTs doing a test.

So I thought I'd make my own: Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

Let's see how well you know me! =)

responding to her response

Recently, I posted a sentiment about my not-so-single friend. She, in turn, responded to my post in her own blog.

For sentimental reasons, I'm copying it here.

I know I haven't been able to go out as much as I used to with you. It's a lot harder now with my crazy schedule in the office, my weird sleeping habits and of course him. I am writing this letter maybe to reassure you that I'm still here no matter what.

We've known each other since high school and we've seen each other through a lot. I've seen you through your heartaches and also your major successes. I think the only thing I really missed in your life was your debut.

I don't think you should be afraid that there's a new guy in my life. It doesn't mean that just because he's there, I won't have any time for you anymore. He's open-minded enough to acknowledge that I need to be with my friends (as long as they're girls) without him around. We can still have our girls' night out on Saturdays and go on our shopping sprees on some weekdays. We still even get our Starbucks buzz on some mornings.

Despite my busy schedule, "_" and I are trying to make this work. I know he's not exactly the guy you had in mind for me, but he is making me happy. I like him because he understands me so well. He knows the way to my heart is not through flowers, but by food. He understands that I prefer to go shopping alone. Plus, he's probably the most thoughtful guy I ever met. Most importatly, he isn't scared of what I've done, who I want to be and what I want to do.

One day I hope you'll understand my decision.:) Besides, no need to panic. It's not as if I'm getting married anytime soon. That's the furthest thing from our mind right now. No matter what happens though, you'll defintely be my friend for life.

Btw, congratulations on your new boyfriend! =)

confuscious

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest. --Confucius

Friday, July 1, 2005, is officially my last day at work. Technically, my resignation is effective on July 2, but since it's a Saturday and a holiday in Pasig, there's no work.

As the day draws nearer, the more confused I get. People are still giving me assignments that will extend beyond my resignation date. I know it's a way of making me stay. After all, they know that I don't have a job yet waiting for me. I have options but not one of them are as concrete as the one I am resigning from.

Should I stay or should I go?

Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart. --Confucius

Part of me wants to go because I don't want to work for a particular person.

Part of me wants to do the two projects recently assigned to me.


Part of me doesn't want to stay, knowing that I am afloat, career-wise, in the organization and there's no paved path for me. There's a pot of gold but no rainbow that would lead me to it.

Part of me doesn't want to let the company down by leaving when I'm being asked to stay.

Part of me lost the drive to go to work in the last couple of months.

Last week, the desire to work is slowly reviving.

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. --Confucius

Donald Trump recently mentioned in The Apprentice, passion fuels the energy to make things happen.

I truly believe that.

blog-hopping

Today, I went blog-hopping, visiting the blogs of my friends and catching up on what's been happening with them.

On Kai's site, I found this and I couldn't resist posting my own! I deviated from the norm by posting my comments in red and green. By the way, I'm not proud of doing some of these things... but then again, I was young once!

put an "x" to what u have accomplished...
(x) snuck out of the house (to meet my ex!)
(x) gotten lost in your city (i could never find the way around sss)
(x) seen a shooting star (last time at bulacan last year)
(x) been to any other countries besides the united states
( ) had a serious surgery
( ) gone out in public in your pajamas
(x) kissed a stranger (does meeting and kissing on the same night you met him count?)
(x) hugged a stranger
( ) been in a fist fight
( ) been arrested
(x) done drugs
(x) had alcohol (hindi rubbing alcohol, ha?)
(x) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose
( ) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
( ) swore at your parents
(x) been in love
(x) been close to love
(x) been to a casino
( ) been skydiving
( ) broken a bone (i cracked my head open... see stiches!)
(x) been high
( ) skinny-dipped
(x) skipped school
(x) flashed someone
( ) saw a therapist (my ex wants me to see one, but i refuse!)
(x) played spin the bottle
(x) gotten stitches (yep, in the head... i'm bald there!)
(x) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
(x) bitten someone
( ) been to Niagara Falls
(x) gotten the chicken pox
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(x) kissed a member of the same sex (something i don't think i'd be repeating!)
(x) crashed into a friend's car (i wrecked his mags!)
( ) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted (i was in 6th grade! it was a book sale in school!)
( ) been fired
( ) had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
( ) stolen something from your job
(x) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
(x) been to Europe
( ) slept with a co-worker (i don't shit on my own backyard!)
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
( ) seen someone die
(x) had a close friend die
( ) been to Africa
( ) Driven over 400 miles in one day (i don't know how to drive!)
( ) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
( ) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) Thrown up in a bar (thrown up at home when I came home from the bar)
( ) Purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi (and i got allergies right after!)
( ) Been snowboarding
(x) Met someone in person from the internet (first two boyfriends i met through the internet!)
( ) lost a child
(x) gone to college
(x) graduated college
( ) done hard drugs
(x) tried killing yourself (wanted to do so when i was 18... something really bad happened to me)
( ) fired a gun
(x) purposely hurt yourself
(x) taken painkillers (and almost died doing so!)
( ) love someone or miss someone right now (ha! you thought i'd put a mark here... i thought so myself until I realize there's no one to love/miss!)

house of singles

For years, Cookie has this idea of building a house for her and her single friends, like Paul and myself. She said it's going to be on top of a cliff, near a beach.

Or something like that.

But now, Cookie is not as single as she used to be. She's been seeing (and blogging) about this guy, but they're not officially together (yet!) Let's just say, he's seeing him more than I'm seeing her. She no longer calls me when she's drunk. She calls him!

I know. I know. That sounds pretty bad.

I've never really been possessive of my friends and I would never be a hurdle to their happiness. But you cannot take the feeling of "loss" from me. You see, Cookie is the closest friend I have. She has seen me through for more than half of my life, both good and mostly bad times. She's my life vest, my safety net, my pillar of strength and independence, and my Amazing Race partner.

Yes, I am aware that she will always be my friend. Except, she won't be available as she used to be. It's bad enough that I know she's a workaholic and spends 12 hours a day in the office. Now the rest of her free time is spent with him.

Ok, I admit I resent his existence in her life because that would mean she won't be there like she used. Or she would end up bringing him along like last night. (Actually, she invited me to come along in their date.)

I'm not selfish (although I sound like it.) I want her to be happy (and he's making her happy.)

*sigh*

I used to find solace in the thought that if I'm going to grow old alone (single), I know I'd grow old alone with Cookie (who would be single, as well.) Now, I'd have to find the courage to grow old by myself.

* * *
Cookie,

I know you're reading this. I hope you read between the lines that I'm happy for you that you found someone who can brighten up your day after the four++ years in darkness. I'm glad that you have a romantic social life, outside work and gym (and your friends.)

Also, I hope you understand I'm just venting that things are changing way sooner than I had anticipated. That these are just my fears.

I love you, girl. No matter what I'm always going to be here for you.

it's a great day to be alive

And it's a great day to be alive
I know the sun's still shinin' when I close my eyes
There's some hard times in the neigborhood
But why can't every day be just this good?

After days of searching and hours of modifying, at last, here is my new blog template. Originally from the sunflower template by Chris...of Course!

After weeks of being depressed, I finally feel the sun shining again. Although there are still dark clouds looming over the horizon, the rays of the sun is finally reaching my eyes. My smile is not yet back nor is the twinkle in my eyes, but my lower jaw is moving a bit and there's something in my eyes (no, it's not mutah!)

I've been listening to mp3s of the American Idol series and let's just say I'm loving Bo Bice right now. I'm sure you've noticed the change of the song on my profile and the title of this post.

Sometimes it's lonely
Sometimes it's only me
And the shadows that fill this room
Sometimes I'm fallin'
Desperately callin'
Howlin' at the moon...
Ahwoo!
Ahwoo!
I may be alone right now. But I'm better.

dude, where's my blog?

7x a bridesmaid, 3.33x never a bride

They say "three times a bridesmaid, never a bride." What does that make me then? Seven times a bridesmaid, never never 1/3never a bride???

Labor day last year, Michelle and Sim tied the knot. Last Tuesday, it was July and Don's turn. (This time, I made sure I was early! But I didn't get to do the parade thing at the reception because I was preparing for the AVP. So quits lang!)


their wedding pics
Now, we are talking about a set of my closests friends since college. The girls have been planning their weddings since December 2002. Whereas I was just starting on a relationship then. By the time Michelle got married, my then boyfriend was a goner. With July and Don's nuptials, it's still zit.

I can remember crying days before Michelle's wedding. I felt they were leaving me behind because they're moving to a different plane. I knew July would be next. I mean, we pretty much graduated at the same time, worked and went out together. Now they're married and I'm still single. Before, even if I didn't have an S.O., I never felt the fifth wheel.

Now, I really am.

* * *
HOWEVER.

I did meet a cutie in the wedding. He's a friend of the bride from college and July's told me some stuff about him. I knew he was single and we would be sitting in the same table, so I kinda requested to be placed beside him. Devious, I know. But there were a couple of single girls in that table and I wanted a chance with him! Hahaha =)

He's very nice. I mean, really nice. Coming from someone who's forever attracted to bad boys, I mean nice (but I hope not too nice that he's still a virgin at his age!) He even mentioned something about being destined to priesthood!

*sigh*

Most of the guys I had a crush over the years had a taint of lust in it. Him, hell no. This was a highschool-girly-crushy-kind. Talk about the winds changing!

*sigh*

Would have been nice if I made a good impression with him with the little chance we had to talk over dinner. Would have been nice also if he had asked for my number.

*sigh*

Not that I'm think he'd like me considering me. I'm like Lucifer to his Gabriel. Imagine, I've deviously planned to sit beside him even before I actually met him. He didn't even know that a bulldozer hit him. Or maybe he's too dense to see he already got flattened.

*sigh*

Anyhoo, when I went to sleep that night, I dreamt about him. School-girl kinda way. Holding hands, being sweet, and most importantly, no kissing!

But I think that's that. Whether I like it or not.

I think I'm doomed for all eternity.

p.s. I really want to post his picture here but I'm stopping myself. Gusto ko nga guhitan ng mga puso sa gilid eh. Kaso kakahiya na masyada.

23:43

Sometimes you come to a point in your life that you just feel down and out. You feel tired carrying the weight of the world on your shoulder. Resting, you begin to face your past and evaluate what has happened to you in the last few years or so. Often times, you're left to question whether or not you made the right choices. Then you think where the idealism you had back when you were younger had gone. You start to analyze the person you've become over the years and think if you like who you are now.

You try to remember the younger you and recognize what you were like back then. You confront your past and search for lessons hoping they could point you to the direction what made you better and those that you didn't learn at all. You look for the things that made you less idealistic -- stronger, jaded, indifferent, apathetic, and self-absorbed.

You know you're a good person just trying to keep up with the changing world. You realize that you have simply outgrown your idealism and your friends. You think about how much you've given up and compromised along the way and you start to analyze whether the road you've taken was worth it at all.

Constantly, you are evolving just to cope but at what expense? At what point would you get off the bandwagon of the fast-paced environment you're living on?

Things happen for a reason and challenges only make you stronger. But every strong man has an Achilles' heel. Every solid matter has a breaking or melting point. A person, his insecurity. When you fall or lose everything you hold dear to you and you are left with just you, would you still like you?

Is this the kind of you that you would want to face your future?

And if you leave the world, would you have mattered?

and all became still

Yesterday was the last day of my kids a.k.a. Super Vain Interns.

They surprised me by giving me a bouquet of white roses. In turn, I gave each of them a picture frame with the above image -- a summary of the memories they experienced in the company.

They held a despedida merienda for everyone they have gotten to know in the company and showed off a short clip of the pictures (supposedly to make my cry) of them missing out on summer but glad that they did.

They did make me proud in the past two months. Even if their "Maam Cecil" and "Po's" got replaced with Mommy, Momsy, and Mommah. After all, I have seven beautiful children -- vain and camwhores as they may be. I know my kids would be successful in whatever they plan to undertake in the future. They're definitely going to go a looooong way. I'm not worried about them at all.

Good luck and Congratulations to Bev, Camco, Hannah, Jan, Sofie, Tin, and Nata of Batch 2006!

p.s. I miss them already. They had been my driving force to go to work lately. My world is sooooo quite now. It feels a little bit empty.