a different kind of trip

I haven't gimiked for a long time now. The kind of gimik you go out drinking, dancing, and singing. I think the last time I came home morning already (meaning the sun's up by then) was when my balikbayan cousin and her hubby was still here.

So last December 29, after a planned gimik gone sour at the last minute, Mark, Kris, and I met up around 10pm in Makati and headed out to Malate -- my second time this year. In fact, the second time in my entire life.

We started out dancing when the place was still empty. By midnight, there were contests being held at the establishment and the guys convinced me to enter the beer bong contest. Not that they really had to force me. I really should have won in the elimination round but I guess the servers favored someone else. Anyhoo, we went on to watch the ledge dancing contest, where some biatch from California won the game. She did some more dancing when she got awarded her 1K prize. By then, Kris was soooo in love (or should I say in lust) with the chick.

The place really got crowded that we decided to transfer to another bar where Kris and Mark can sing their hearts out. Unfortunately for us, the servers in the bar were not so attentive to our singing needs that Kris had to make complaints with the manager. Fortunately for us, and unfortunately for them, Kris knew the owner of the joint. So, it's an understatement to say that he made a scene in there.

We headed back to dancing place (after the boys eating a bite of squid balls they were selling on the streets.) By 4am, one of us was definitely not in the mood anymore. Although Kris wanted to stay and dance with the biatch from Cali, Mark was in the mood to go home already.

So off we went...

Looking for an open Kowloon. None of really had a decent meal before drinking and suddenly we were feeling hunger pangs.

But alas, no Kowloon was open to serve our stomach needs. So we headed further south looking for a place to eat. Then someone (I'm really not sure who) suggested we head out to Tagaytay.

I knew I was going to get in trouble at home but at that point in time, I didn't care. All I knew was that it wasn't often that we would gimik that way and that I wanted to catch the sunrise in Tagaytay.

We reached Taal Vista just in time for the sun to rise. It was freaking cold. We all didn't have jackets nor did we have a digital camera with us to capture the moment. All we had was my handy o2xda II to store the memories of that trip.


the sky at 6:05 am and at 6:38 am respectively

christmas report

Christmas was uneventful despite the numerous parties I attended. The only things exciting worth mentioning are:

1. I lost 7lbs since the start of December and thank God I haven't gained an ounce back despite the dozens of dinner parties I attended.
2. I was pretty much dateless in all of the dinner parties but I had fun being with friends and their significant others.
3. On Christmas Eve, I was dancing by myself,in my room, to All I Want For Christmas (I'm not sure if its Mariah Carey's version).

All I want for Christmas

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
And I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you

I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow
And I, I just wanna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for St. Nick
I won't even stay awake
To hear those magic reindeer click
Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding onto me so tight
What more can I do
Oh baby, all I want for Christmas is you

All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of childrens'
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me
The one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me, quickly

I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just wanna see my baby
Standing right outside my door
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby, all I want for Christmas is you
All I want for Christmas is you, baby [repeat til fade]

Although a lot of things happened (who I met, what gifts I got, where I went, etc.), none stands out as the story to tell, or even a highlight on my Christmas break (except Abbey's death).

Does having a lukewarm Christmas means I'm just getting old? Or have I lost my Christmas spirit in the past holidays that I spent without my own s.o.?

I wonder if I can have the same fervor a child feels whenever Christmas is just around the corner.

Maybe the winds will change in the next few days. Just in time for the new year.

What Are You Doing New Year's Eve
by Lee Ann Womack

Maybe it's much too early in the game
Ah, but I thought I'd ask you just the same
What are you doing New Year's
New Year's Eve?
Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight
When it's exactly twelve o'clock that night
Welcoming in the New Year
New Year's Eve

Maybe I'm crazy to suppose
I'd ever be the one you chose
Out of a thousand invitations
You'd receive
Ah, but in case I stand one little chance
Here comes the jackpot question in advance
What are you doing New Year's
New Year's Eve?

Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight
When it's exactly twelve o'clock that night
Welcoming in the New Year
New Year's Eve
What are you doing New Year's Eve?

dedicated to abbey

Today is December 25, 2004. Christmas Day.

For most of us it is a joyous occasion. It was for my family and I until early this afternoon, when our 9-year old pug, Abbey, died.

My brother knocked on my door as I was having my siesta. He was teary-eyed when he said the words, "Abbey died."

We had a family talk about it two days ago. My dad wanted to give Abbey to the city pound because he had a feeling she wasn't going to last long. My mom, brother, and I were adamant with his suggestion. We even compared it to sending him to an old folks home when he's about to die. Abbey is, or was, family.

It came as a shock that she had to go today. Of all days. As my dad carried her in a sack to be burried near the subdivision's chapel, I got teary-eyed. I've had my share of memories with her. Mostly of play time and grooming. But lately, I admit I had taken her for granted, thinking there will be more time later.

She mostly wants to play when I'm doing the laundry. But with all my gimiks and activities, laundry time meant cleaning time as well and I don't get to spend much play time with her as I used to. The last time I played with her was the time I took this picture, which was around my birthday this year.

There's always regret in moments of remorse like this.

Mortality.

If there is one thing for sure for every living creature, it's death -- an inevitable end to one's life.

Makes you want to sieze the moment and enjoy life to the fullest, huh?

party weekend

My weekend was hectic. I had my social calendar filled up to the brim. Company Christmas party (Friday night), dancing in Manila Penn (Saturday early morning), nephew's christening (Saturday morning), surprise birthday party for a dear friend (Saturday night), and a friend's engagement party (Sunday morning).

* * *
Company party was held at The Fort. I was in Makati earlier to borrow Mark's red leather jacket to complete my attire. It was a punk debut so I was dressed in the gown I used for my cousin's wedding, fishnet stockings, boots, and Mark's jacket. I had leather collar and bracelet to accent the punk in my costume.



I was tasked to emcee the night's festivities, hence it was pure work for me. Not that much fun. I didn't get to enjoy myself much, didn't even get to drink much, too. I was on stage most of the time, raffling off stuff, hosting the games, and coordinating with the people responsible for the videos and presentations.

The night ended with me winning an industrial fan and two officemates ten thousand pesos richer. However, there was still no announcement for the Christmas bonus.


Mark was supposed to bring me home that night with Kris cause we were to gimik after the party. However, he got himself together with his girlfriend, and that left Kris (on another gimik) and me driverless. Good thing, my good bosses (guy who's hair is green) offered to give me a ride home. That is, after a gimik in Manila Penn's Conservatory.

They wanted to dance and so we did. Went home around 330am.

* * *
Went to Alabang before noon for my nephew's christening. I was godmother and I was late. Not because I didn't get to wake up, but because my parents had to run some business errands.

I decided to stay in Alabang and let my parents go home without me. I figured I'd head straight to Dexter's birthday party in West Ave., QC, since my cousin's boyfriend live near the area.

I invited my cousins to take me to Festival Mall since I've never been there before. Now, I can finally say I've gone there. (Sh*t, ang babaw! Bwahahaha!)

* * *
In my friend's surprise birthday party, he didn't look that surprised when he saw us. Well, he was, but it didn't show much on his chinese features.

Suffice to say, most of his friends are already married, with him being 33 this year, and very Chinese. I mean, all of them were and they were speaking the language.

Guess what? I'm the only non-Chinese there! My dad said, it's ok, cause I could pass off as Chinese with my small eyes. I don't think so! I think I'm too dark to be Chinese.

* * *
Speaking of Chinese, the early morning engagement party I ended last Sunday is also Chinese. I think I was still the only non-Chinese there. It felt so weird being in a house where you couldn't understand what was being said.

Also, it was amazing on how the ting hun was. It's like watching Mano Po (the movie) live. It started with my friend walking down the stairs backwards. They were given pairs of watches and necklace, serving tea by seniority to each other's family, having 12 dresses for the girl, bringing the cakes (his and hers) around the house, giving flowers to single women, among other things. They did a lot of things and followed a lot of rules, like if you're born on a particular year, you're not invited even if you're the engaged couple's relative.

I don't know why they did this -- tradition, for most parts. It was fun watching but I'm glad I'm not Chinese.

* * *
No wonder when I came home at 2pm from my friend's ting hun, I slept and I woke up at 7am this morning.

Somehow, after 17 hours of sleep, I still feel sleepy.

after the wedding

The wedding was very nice, if I may say so myself. I found myself close to tears when my cousin, Christian, kissed his bride for the first time as his wife.

The church provided a live singer to act as the church choir. He had one of the most beautiful voices I've ever heard. He started of with Ikaw as the bridal march, went on with the usual hymns during mass, and provided love songs after. Immediately after the mass ended, he started to sing:

I remember so well

The day that you came into my life

You asked for my name

You had the most beautiful smile

The priest, who happened to be the groom's uncle, didn't say "You may kiss the bride." Rather, he came up to them and said a word or two. Then he exited from the scene. My cousin took it up to himself to kiss his beautiful bride.

My life started to change
I'd wake up each day feeling alright
With you right by my side
Makes me feel things will work out just fine

It was the perfect church kiss. Not a smack. Not torrid. A lingering lip-locking bit for the public to see. Then he embraced her. Tightly. For some time. It was so sweet because the kiss signified the passion and love they feel for each other, while the embrace radiated the friendship and care they have for one another.

How did you know

I needed someone like you in my life

That there is an empty space in my heart

You came at the right time in my life

I'll never forget

How you brought the sun to shine in my life

And took all the worries and fears that I had

I guess what I'm really trying to say

It's not everyday that someone like you comes my way

No words can express how much I love you

I don't know if the should-have-been-tears was because I was moved by the kiss, or the song, or both combined. But I do know it was a mixed feeling of kilig, happiness, and sadness. Kilig because of the sweetness of their kiss. Happy that my cousin found it in himself to finally commit to the woman he loves. And a little sad that he left singledom and moved on to the next level, a totally different plane to what is being shared by those who are single. The priorities are no longer the same.

Among the three generations of 11 cousins (3-4-4), Christian and I are part of the second generation. The first generation all got married when our generation was just teenagers. In our generation, Christian is the oldest and I am next. Now it feels like he moved on to where the first generation are, leaving us behind -- leaving me behind, in particular.

The past few months that my cousin and I shared rides going back and forth our offices made us closer than we ever were. Rationally, I know him being married won't make any difference to our closeness and relationship. But I know things are bound to change. I just hope it won't be too bad a change.



*Lyrics are from the song How Did You Know by Chiqui Pineda

enough is enough

This is my blog. My thoughts, my ramblings, my sentiments in their rawest form. For most part this is my journal - to remember how I felt at a certain point in my life, no matter how profound or stupid it may seem.

I opened my blog in public because I wanted to be read by my friends, those who I met and who I got to know throught the internet, and others who chance upon me. I feel that everyone is entitled to their opinion, may it be positive or negative, and that they can freely post their comments. I could have deleted or edited those I didn't like but I didn't, out of respect for the reader who took time to post their thoughts.

Forming an opinion and freely writing it down does not mean you can pass judgment, especially if you don't know me or the parties involved directly. My blog is open, yes, but it does not encapsulate me nor does reading it give you right to criticize me (and my friends).

For some people commenting in my blog, especially those who I don't know, wouldn't leave any identification other than a pseudoname, and scared shit to be identified, you don't know me so don't pass any judgments on what you deem as the "truth". It so easy to write careless comments and quick to pass judgments when you know that the other party doesn't know you and you think you can't be found.

For days, I kept quiet, allowing you to freely write your comments based on what you've read. But you overstepped your line when you responded to vigilante. He knows me better than any of you that's why he felt compelled to defend write what he wrote. You, on the other hand, don't know me and quite frankly, what you have been saying here is irresponsibly written.

Unless you come out on the open, and freely open your blog/life for criticism by me and my friends, be careful with your words. This is, after all, my blog.

pre-wedding jitters

It's not like I'm the one who's getting married.

But I can't help but feel aprehensive. Mainly because it's my cousin, a year older than me, and I'm next on the line of "eligible to get married". (All cousins and brothers older than me are already saddled up and I'm the oldest single dudette in the bunch.) Secondly, it's because I'm their wedding coordinator.

*sigh*

If ever I should leave my technical career, I'd probably be an event planner or do something creative. I've done debuts and weddings for the past two years, hosted some, but mostly coordinated the event. Most, if not all, had been successful. We didn't bore the guests and everybody enjoyed the unique games we played during weddings for the bouquet and garter.

But this is my cousin's wedding. It's success weighs more to me than the others I've done for my friends. Like last year's event, my cousin's debut.

I coordinated Michelle's debut and I was a wreck for months. Primarily because I was scared it would be a flop and I'm going to be a failure. I thought my aunt and uncle would hate me if the event would be a disaster. Luckily, it didn't despite the rain that night. Luckily, my aunt and uncle still talks to me and I'm still alive.

I hope this set of aunt and uncle (and cousin and soon-to-be-wifey) will still talk to me after today.

* * *

I've been asked how many times I've been a bridesmaid and I can't recall now how many exactly. All I know is that I have a closet full of gowns that I could rent out. From colors of pink and blue to fuscia and aquamarine.

They say "Always the bridesmaid, never the bride." Somehow, it's appropriate with me.

God knows I know how I'd want my wedding to go - the colors that I want to use, how the church and reception would look like, what kind of flowers, the songs that will play, among other things. I know what I don't want. I know who will be part of it and the roles that they will play. It's going to be perfect... like a dream.

Except there's only one problem.

There's no groom in the horizon.

I don't think there's ever gonna be one.

(Gawd, I hope I'm just saying this now cause I'm going date-less!)

the worst day of your life can be the best day yet

This afternoon, I received text messages that made my day plummet to the core of the earth. Mark told me that he can't accompany me to the wedding and birthday party because he and his girlfriend had a big fight about it last night. Apparently, she's jealous of me.

So what if he had promised to accompany me? So what if he didn't keep his word (like he never did before?) So what if he assured me that it was ok and insisted that he will be there? So what if he was the one who wanted to keep the friendship?

It was so frustrating to read his messages, like Of course we can still be friends. But not as close as we used to be. I should have known better that his words I like you better than her meant nothing at all because he's with her and not with me.

I never intended to steal him away from her. Even after I realized just how much I'm infatuated with him. The ball's in his court and I didn't try to convince or manipulate him so that he'd chose me. Despite all that I feel for him and what I have written in this blog, I never intended to act on it.

Now he's made his choice. Fine. I accept that. I can live with that.

But I'm still f*cking pissed that he broke his word with me. I'm f*cking irritated that he couldn't defend our friendship to her. I'm f*cking angry because this means I ain't am not worth sh*t to him - like he made me believe. I'm f*cking mad at myself for falling for an arsehole, albeit an honest one, again.

Urgh.

I don't blame the girlfriend. I blame him for making a promise he couldn't keep. I blame myself for falling in a deep shit like this.

* * *
Surely, I was experiencing a bad afternoon. I smoked like four sticks straight to vent my frustration.

As I went on with my tasks at work, I tried to refocus my anger to doing a damn good job at my costing model. When I went to my meeting, I put on a business face and did my best to impress our marketing head that I knew what I was talking about and that I'm gonna do a fine job in the proposal. For our christmas party, I cajoled the managers at work to smile for the camera as I took digital images of them for the party's avp.

It was with one of the managers that I experienced the most pleasant surprise. She told me, effective Novermber 1, 2004, I have been promoted to the next level!

YAHOO! I got the promotion I've been waiting for, for months now!

God, I wanted to hug her. Except that I wasn't that chummy with her. I had to embrace myself just so that I wouldn't do anything excessive like jump up and down and wave my hands in the air or scream my head off.

She went on telling that I was good at doing my job but I could barely hear her. I was in a state of shock! I could hardly believe it. Until now, it hasn't sinked in that much. Primarily because I'd be receiving the pay adjustment at the end of December still. The papers are already moving and I have yet to receive it.

Thank you, Lord!

=)

kissing a few more frogs

The only way to forget about how you feel for a guy is to go out with other guys. So I did.

Last week, I went out on two dates with two differents guys so that I wouldn't be thinking about the one I like who has a girlfriend. Call it therapy for not getting what I want.

* * *

The first date was with a jock -- basketball player, who felt like he was soooo famous that paparazzi would be following us and take our pictures. I don't think he wanted to be seen with me because shortly after meeting at Starbucks, he said he'd bring me home.

Ok, I realize I may not be his type, which is just fine. He wasn't my type, either. He was too tall for me. Standing at 6'5", he was a good 13 inches taller than me and I barely reached his shoulders in my heels. Besides, he had an inferiority complex about my Atenean education and he can barely stimulate my intellect.

It was in the car, when I realized that he wanted to make the "moves". At the first stop light, he started inching his face close to mine. His lips were probably two centimeters from mine when I uttered the question, "What do you think you're doing?"

I know it was really mean of me to embarass him that way, but he shouldn't have assumed I would fall at his feet and be one of his groupies. Goodness, I thought it would stop there. I mean, I gave him a let down that should have penetrated his dense head. But I guess, too much rough basketball playing caused him to be denser than most guys.

We were almost near home when he got my hand and put it in his lap. I removed it. He got it back and placed it on top of his crotch. Out of ire, I said, "Nothing's there." Implying, of course, that his manhood is invertly proportional to his towering height.

I guess that frustrated him. He suddenly shoved my hand inside his jeans.

WTF!

Thinking back, I should have done some damage to his crown jewels. I would have had I not been so offended by the smell. Urgh! It's enough to make anyone puke. I think I must have washed my hands 30 times that night.

Sweat from Basketball Practice + Boxer shorts + Jeans = THE WORST SMELL EVER!

I swear, didn't he even think of drying up before putting on his boxers???

* * *

On another day, I had a breakfast date with an old friend, someone I used to go out with. We decided to play hooky from work and attend some of the things I had to take care of prior to my cousin's wedding. He was glad to be my driver for the day.

Sometime during the day, he said he missed me, going out, kissing, and all. I think that was his line so that he could ask for a kiss. So he did. But I felt nothing.

Empty. I didn't even feel compelled to respond back mechanical.

"You're in love with him," he said.

"I can't be," I denied. "No. Impossible."

"Honey," he said, "what do you think this is then?"

"I really can't be," I persisted. "I only know him for a short time and he has a girlfriend. No!"

"Time and the girlfriend do not change the fact that you're in love with him," he consoled me.

* * *

I love kissing. I'm good at it, I've been told. I even know the techniques of how to make good kisses. I can kiss someone even if I don't have any feelings for them. But for the past two dates, I didn't feel like it. I didn't even want to kiss them. I can't believe I didn't respond. Not even mechanically.

I can't believe Mark stole my kisses. Rather, my ability to kiss without considering emotions for the person I'm kissing.

The few kisses Mark and I shared humbled me. I knew I was good but the feelings of our first kissed overwhelmed me beyond my rationale thought. It was the most passionate kiss I have ever experienced in my whole life. The kind that sends shivers on your spine, makes your knees weak, leaves you breathless and wanting for more. It could have been the foot-popping kiss had we been standing up.

For the first time in my life, I realize what my friends meant when they said they couldn't kiss someone they don't have any feelings for.

starting it right

I woke up extra early today to join my parents in going to mass. They normally go Tuesdays and Fridays, aside from the Sunday obligation.

I guess I wanted to start my day right and the best way I could think of this - thanking God for all his blessings and asking for His grace and the strength to make things right and better.

I have come to realize that no matter how much I want things to go my way, He always intervenes and puts me back in the track where He knows best. Though I may not agree with everything He's allowing me to experience, I know His way is better. I honestly don't think I can be left on my own.

I believe all the things I have experienced and the choices I made are parts of a big plan - one that is supposed to make me a better person. I can say that I have lived my life with my own choices but I know that when I'm down and out I always go back to Him for guidance and direction.

Baby I Love Your Way

by Big Mountain

Ooh Baby I love your way
Everyday, yeah
Shadows grow so long before my eyes,
and they're moving across the page.
Suddenly the day turns into night,
Ooh
Far away from the city.
But don't, oh no, hesitate,
'cause your love just won't wait
yeah yeah yeah
Ooh Baby I love your way.
Everyday, yeah yeah
Wanna tell you I love your way.
Everyday yeah yeah
I Wanna be with you night and day.
The moon appears to shine and light the sky
With the help of some fireflys.
I wonder how they have the power to shine,
Shine, shine,
I can see them under the pine.
But don't, oh no no, hesitate,
la dee dah
'cause your love just won't wait
yeah yeah yeah
Ooh baby I love you way.
Everyday, yeah yeah
I wanna tell you I love your way.
Everyday, yeah yeah
I wanna be with you night and day.
Woah baby, oh baby please,
Everyday, yeah, yeah,
I will love, I will love ya, oh!
I love your way, ooh baby, please
(jazz solo)
I can see the sunset in your eyes,
Brown and grey, and ruby size.
Clouds are stalking islands in the sun.
I wish I could buy one, out of season.
But don't (woah no no) hesitate,
la dee dah..
'cause your love just won't wait (eiy yah)
Just won't wait
Ooh baby I love your way (every, everyday)
I wanna tell you I love your way
I wanna tell ya, i would love your little way
I wanna be with you night and day (Everyday, in every way)
Ooh baby I love your way
Ooh baby, how I love your little way
I wanna tell I love your way
I wanna tell ya how i, i would love your little way
I wanna be with you night and day
Ooh baby baby baby yeah....
(until fade)

merging of worlds

I posted in the previous post of how I have never properly introduced my dates/boyfriends to my groups of friends unless it was by accident or some bizarre circumstance.

But I never explained why.

It is my belief that friends are there to stay forever. There's a big comfort that no matter how much you disagree with each other or fight, you can always count on each other. In my entire lifetime, I can count in one hand the number of people I turned away from, whereas the friends I kept through my 26 years are numerous as the stars in the sky.

When I am asked to choose to do an activity between a friend and a boyfriend or a conflict of schedule arises, I know my friends would understand if I chose the boyfriend rather than them. If I were to chose between them and the boyfriend, I know they will forgive me if I were to temporarily and insanely choose the latter, because they will know I will come to my senses one day and go back running to them.

That's why I kept my friends' world and relationship world separate for the past six years that I've been allowed to have a relationship. I like the idea that there is a part of my world that the boyfriend left untouched, that in case he goes away and leave me, I still have that part of my world in tact.

Call it self-preservation. Call it a world solely my own, untarnished by the one I love. But I cannot afford to give my whole self to the one I love (as it is I am giving more than enough,) unless I am sure I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him.

This time is the first time that I wanted to introduce a guy to my circles of friends before actually getting involved with him. I wanted Mark to meet my college, highschool, yfc, work, and masterals barkada before I actually get to be in a relationship with him. I wanted him to get to know these people who are a part of my life and I want them to get to know him. It's not like I'm seeking approval, but rather I wanted to do it right this time around. Instead of just surprising my friends with "Hey, guess what? I have a boyfriend. But you're not likely to meet him until I'm sure I'm walking down the altar with him."

With the Mark sitch, I still want to introduce him to my friends and let them get to know him even though we're just friends. I am lying if I say there's not one iota of hope that he'll change his mind about his current girlfriend, but it's more of I want him to really get to know me through my relationships with my friends, that I never allowed before. It's the same way I'm getting to know him through his friends -- who are becoming close to me as well.

Mark and I as very good friends. Just good friends.

Mark put it nicely when he told me last night, "I'd rather have you as my friend for the rest of my life, even if it means not having the chance to be with you in a relationship, than to go on without you."

I asked him why, saying that he had other friends who are girls already.

He said, "Cause you're special and I like you."

Nahks. Sweet.

I'm beginning to like the word "like" a lot these days.

a bad case of wrong timing

Last Friday's date didn't push through for reasons he explained later that night.

Apparantly, he got himself a girlfriend, a girl he's dating weeks before he met me, the Sunday before. He didn't feel so good about going out with me since we might end up making out and he didn't want to cheat on his girl. Except, he didn't know how to tell me about it when he asked me out for the date.

He said he thought our relationship will not be going anywhere since I declared I wasn't ready to be in one. Unfortunately, he hadn't counted the fact that I like him.

And that he likes me, too. Else, he said, he wouldn't be kissing me and spending time with me.

I guess I played it to cool the Saturday night he was fishing. He said he wanted to do a lot of stuff with me like take me to Puerto Galera and Pagudpod, aside from our scheduled barkada trip to Boracay in January. He wanted to tour me to Alabang Town Center and Festival Mall since I haven't exactly been there. He wanted to watch movies and go dancing together. He wanted to play basketball, billiards, air hockey, among other things with me.

He's even willing to teach me how to drive.

On my side, I wanted him to meet my friends. To allow them to get to know him and vice versa. A first for me, since I never let my boyfriends/dates meet my friends with the intention of merging the them. I even told my folks about him and was willing to reason out to their objections.

But I kept him guessing and he thought I wasn't interested in having a relationship with him. At least, not the commitment-based that has a future in it. He told me had he known sooner, he wou.dn't have jumped into the relationship with the girl. Since I didn't....

And so she won. The girl he likes weeks before he met me.

But he still wants to be really good friends with me. It was his intention to save the friendship since we can't be together.

To the point that he's willing to be my date in my cousin's wedding next week. And that he's willing to be my driver on a birthday party I have to attend in two weeks time. And that he still wants me to go to Boracay with him them and he won't be taking her along. Kris and the others will be leaving on January 13, but I have a wedding to attend to on January 15. Yes, he'll be taking the flight with me and not them.

She knows about me and accepts his honesty regarding our friendship. He said she said she doesn't mind us going out. But I think it's cause she knows we usually do group dates and I don't think he was that honest to tell her he kissed me.

In short...

I like him.

He likes me.

We're confused.

But we can't be.

Because he's with her.

guy angst

Don't you just hate it when you're all set for a date and suddenly the last minute you don't if it's pushing through or not because:

1. he hasn't texted where and when he's picking you up;
2. his freaking phone is off and you couldn't ask!

That's how it is for me today. I was sooooo looking forward to going out with Mark on a one-on-one date tonight. It would have been the our first date, just the two of us.

Last Wednesday, I met up with Mark, Kris, and Henry in Greenbelt3 so that we can all go to my place together. They wanted to send-off my cousin and their friend with a box of pandesal and one last round of drinks.

Since Drew and Haze were watching the basketball game in Araneta, we decided to hang-out in Timezone for the mean time. That's when Mark made me eat his dust in Daytona and placed first among us four in basketball. I wouldn't let him take the win in air hockey because he cheated. So that's a tie game for us. Of course, I got my revenge by besting him in dancing that resulted in my shoes being destroyed.

It was a fun night, hanging out with them. They even lingered in the house, after Drew and Haze left, to finish off the bottle of Tequila left over from my birthday. Mark was pretty sweet that night and stole a kiss while the boys went to the bathroom. (First time I saw, boys heading to the bathroom at the same time. I know girls do it, but in this case, they all went together. Only Mark came in first, so he got out first.)

It was in that kiss that he sealed Thursday and Friday nights' dates.

Yesterday, I hated Yoyong for raining so hard cause it meant we had to cancel. At the same time, bless the storm because I was able to recover from my lack of sleep the night before. Mark did promise that tonight's date will push through.

Except... (see reasons above!)

Am I misreading the signs here???

i finally have it!

I got it. I finally have one.

At 9am in Podium, I purchased the last drink of the 21 drinks needed to have this:


Opening the pages, I know I'm in love...


Hmmm, I wonder if I can actually use and write on it.