ramblings on the sona

Late this afternoon, I tuned in to ANC to watch the President of the Philippines make her State of the Nation Address (SONA).

I found it good enough, though political analysts say it's too short because she didn't mention any of the accusations against her.

I especially like the part when she said, "We may disagree among ourselves but let us never lose sight of that greater battle for one people, one country, one Philippines."

I watched on until after the SONA and ANC Newscasters David Seldran and Pia Onteveros was interviewing this politician (whose name I can't remember right now.) They were stressing on the fact that how will congress be able to concentrate on the issues of the impeachment of PGMA and making the charter change for a parliament-federal government.

The politician was saying that they should ask Congress on how they were going to juggle the time and that they are multi-tasking considering the other bills being passed. Pia Onteveros made a comment that sounded like, "That's BS!" However, I didn't think she meant it to be heard on air. But it went on air!

I couldn't believe it!

How could she be so rude? They're interviewing the guy and not really paying much attention to him. Then you hear her making snide comments like that! To be truthful, it upset me more than the comments of other people against PGMA.

I mean, with everything that has been going on, who else could lead this country? They're trying to unseat someone just because they want to gain power in the process. I'm beginning to believe what I heard a radio announcer said a couple of weeks back about how the opposition view PGMA with the Darcy tapes and all.

"Guilty. Until proven innocent."

No wonder most of the younger generations (compared to the seated government officials) are migrating to other countries.

I haven't lost all hope yet. I'm praying to God that there are more intelligent people out there, who would be thinking of the country, rather than their own personal gains.

hungry

It's official.

Per my medical exam last Monday, I gained 19lbs since January 2005. I wasn't conscious until May 2005. Now, it's showing everytime I look into a mirror. My clothes are a lot more tighter. I'm wearing clothes I haven't worn since I was this big x years ago. *OUCH!*

That sucks.

I'm officially on a diet. I've cut down my food in-take and it still sucks. So I'm hungry right now. A little irritable (ok, a lot!) I don't have the strength to get out of bed, much less go to the gym. I just want to stay in bed, curl up, and die out of hunger.

So I'm fat. At 26, I can no longer say it's baby fat.

My weight has always been an issue for me. I guess my ex-boyfriend's break-up line "I love you less dahil tumaba ka (because you got fat)" still echoes in my mind much too loudly. It bothers me more than it ever did before because of the additional burden of me not being good enough to be a girlfriend or to be loved because of my weight.

I've been deluding myself into believing that I love myself the way I am and if a guy doesn't love me for me then I'd just have to suck it up. After all, it's my personality and brains that should count rather than my physical appearance.

But what's a girl to think, seeing that society dictates what is acceptable versus what is not?

For a girl with a very strong personality and exudes confidence, I have a lot of insecurities. Believe me, when I say this has got to be one of the hardest posts I've ever written. But I need to get it out of my system.

I've always been an emotional eater. When I'm depressed, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat. It's only when I'm happy (a.k.a. in love) that I don't eat too much. But once, I get settled into the relationship, I resume eating.

I've accepted me as I am (though I'm hiding behind the lenses because I'm not too keen on seeing my pudgy face on pictures.) I've reconciled myself to the fact that I'll never be a size 2. But I wish boys society wouldn't make such a big deal out of it. I mean, I'm still small compared to the girls from UK.

But then again, I'm in the Philippines. I guess I have to suck it up (and maybe lose half an inch on my waist... until I breathe normally, that is!)

working and loving it

I love coming in to work.

I am not even late!

Granted that I've only been reporting to work for two days, I'm sure the novelty would disappear sooner or later. (Although, I hope not.)

But I just can't let it pass right now with blogging about it.

a room with a view

I am not sure how to blog what's been happening to me in the past week. To be honest with you, I'm still in a state of euphoria.

I got the job that I wanted, in the company that I wanted to be a part of. I am now a part of Marketing, which is a group I never thought I'd be in. I love my title so much... Cecil a.k.a. Business Development Manager.

So what if it rained hard on my first day? My aunt, who is now an officemate, is giving me a ride to and fro work which translates to no transportation expense. My office is also near my place (halfway compared to my previous work) and there are 6 elevators servicing 20 floors (compared to 4 elevators servicing 24 floors!)

So what if I still don't have a pc of my own to use (although an old laptop is assigned to me but I can't use it just yet because there's no license available) and my assigned chair sucks that I have to use a stationary chair? My area has a great view in my opinion cause I could see trees of green and beautiful houses (not shown). I have a nice desk and they're generous on the supplies. For one, I have my own stapler, which my previous company was so stingy on.

So what if I don't have much friends yet and I'm missing my yosimates (ciggy friends) from my previous job and the smoking area is so far away? At least, I'm cutting down on my smoking. The elevator rides are not so bad when I'm that desperate.

So what if Starbucks is no longer across the street, rather about 10 minutes walk? At least I'm cutting down on my expenses or increasing my exercise if I'm desperate for my staple drink.

So what if all I've been doing for the past two days are reading policies, process, and procedures nor do I have Internet access (see previous reason)? I'm learning something new. At the same time, I'm savoring the first few days when I'm not required to stay late.

So what if I got three missed opportunities with other companies, whose HR suddenly decided to call right after I signed on? I got what I prayed for.

Nothing/no one is raining on my parade right now. I am invincible.

I am loving LIFE!

Ok, minus the love part of life.

done deal

I GOT IT!

(need i say more?)

almost but not quite

I mentioned in my previous post about the interview I was scheduled to have with the company I want to join in.

I went. I was early. Had breakfast at Starbucks. Smoked. Fixed myself in the bathroom. Used the elevator to go to the designated floor. Stayed in a room because I was still early. Got called in to the boss's office. 80 minutes later, left.

Dazed.

Ok, I can't remember much of it except for the following things:

1. It was the first interview I had with the company, out of 5 in total, that I didn't came out happy or excited. In fact, I was in a state of shock that I was walking mechanically out of the building. I think if I wasn't able to snap out of it, I would have probably been roadkill.
2. I knew I answered some of the questions wrong because she always had a comeback answer to my replies. In other words, binabara nya ang mga sagot ko. It was until later that I realized it might have been intentionally done so that she could see if I had an answer of my own to her response to my response.
3. I'm not sure if I got certain things across with my answers. There were instances that I felt some words were more straight to the point than the ones I used.
4. I never doubted before that I can get the job... until now. It takes only one person to reject me, despite the four people who made me go to the next level.
5. I'm not sure if it's just a formality or I should take it as an encouragement when she asked the question, "When can you start?" as I was going out of her office door.

Well, I have 12 days more to worry about it. She said they'll call me but I can ask for an update in two weeks' time.

Gawd, that seems like forever.

* * *
Realizing that I may just be a step away from getting the job I want, made me wonder how I'd feel if I lost it at that point.

It's like winning second place in the Amazing Race. Or being a second longer than the time to beat. Or drinking 21 shots of Fear Factor mixed drinks and not winning the $50,000 cash prize on the final challenge. Almost, but not quite.

For most part, I would say I'd chalk it up to experience. But when it comes to something that I really want, I'd rather not.

I'd rather not have gone through so much when I'm going to be dissed in the end.

I call it calculated risk.

It is only when I'm sure I'll be able to accept the consequences in both end of the spectrum do I take the chance because I don't want to end up regretting the decisions I make.

In this case, I have to be honest when I say I'm not sure if I can accept not getting this job.

The only time I wanted something so much like this was with my last boyfriend. 9 years I waited and then I took a risk. I thought it was a calculated risk. I gave in to the "What if we wore more than friends?" question that plagued most of my life and ended up destroying one of the most beautiful relationships I ever had. All because he said he doesn't love me anymore.

I'm not sure how I'll be able to handle it if the big boss rejects me. I don't want to just settle for another job, knowing how much I want this opportunity.

At the back of my mind, I know that things happen for a reason. If I'm not going to get this, I'm sure there's something better out there for me. Have faith, things will work out for the best.

Words of comfort.

I have to keep repeating that. Over and over. Maybe at the end of 12 days, I'll believe it and be ready to accept their decision either yes or no.

domesticated me

Last week was pretty hectic for me.

Wednesday, I met a cousin's cousin and I joined them on a shopping trip for his girlfriend in Korea. He was leaving that Friday so we it was a busy afternoon in Riverbanks and Greenhills. Later that night, we met up with another cousin and watched Fantastic Four. Great film, especially with Chris Evans sooooo hot!

Thursday, I went to my fave salon in Katipunan and had my periodic wax session. Met up with my former ojt and ordered some bags for her for my cousin's cousin (still part of his pasalubong list!) Then we spent the whole night singing our brains out with the MagicSing.

Friday, rest day.

Saturday, I went all the way down south, Las Pinas to be exact, and met with some balikbayan relatives. We're meeting again this Saturday to attend a wedding and we're off to Subic on Monday, 18 July. Finally! I'd be having a summer in the rainy season! Hahaha!

Sunday, it was heartbreaking to see ADMU lost to DLSU, both junior and seniors team! It was even harder to see it live in Araneta. Tsk tsk tsk. 18 freaking points. Sheesh. At least, they managed to bring it down to that much. When it was half-time it was a 31-point difference.

Today, I made up for not being able to help around the house last weekend by accomplishing household chores like doing the laundry and ironing some clothes. I could have gone out with my folks to a hotel in Manila and met with some relatives but I opted to stay at home and be "domesticated".

People tell me that after two weeks of staying at home, I'd probably be bored out of my skull. I know I'm bored with the telly already watching the same show on different time scheds. However, with busy days lined up for me like interviews, lunches, meeting my friends for coffee, dinners, and Subic, I think I won't be that bored. Yet.

* * *
Speaking of interviews, I have one scheduled for tomorrow. It's with the boss's boss's boss. Meaning, the overall head of the group a.k.a. The Big Boss or Head Huncho.

Wish me luck!

last day pics

As I mentioned in a previous post, I'm posting the pictures of my last day with some very special people. (I've actually mastered the art of posing and taking the shot at the same time!)

To be honest with you, there were some people that I expected wanted to be in the despedida gimik. A part of me also expected some sort of special goodbye for those people that I've worked with in the last three years. Well, it didn't happen. Some of them did say we'll be lunching in the next weeks or so but it isn't the same as it happening on the last day itself.

Some hours before we met at the videoke bar, I thought these guys weren't arriving. We started later than originally planned but had such a great time with the small group that actually sent me off.

Thanks, guys! Really appreciated it!

stuff about me

I asked friends to take a quiz about me in a previous post. In all honesty, I found their chosen answers amusing in a good way.

FYI.

I'm a Starbucks girl, white mocha, no whipped, non-fat milk. Most folks confuse white mocha with cafe mocha... Or Starbucks with Seattles.

It was in first year highschool that I realized I wanted to be a teacher. However, when I chose my courses in U.P. on my senior year, it was journalism and secondary education. BUT I went to Ateneo instead and took up CompSci.

My dream honeymoon has always been Venice, primarily because Italy represents the romantic in me (and my kind of man!) The fact that Venice is such a small place, with small streets and squares. means walking around and getting lost. The 50 minute romantic gondola ride with background music playing as you pass through Ponte dei Sospiri (Bridge of Sighs). This bridge, romantic as it may sounds, was not sighs of passion but rather sighs of freedom lost. It connects the Dogos Palace to a jail Galileo Galilei spent part of his life.

Although I love Sex and The City, I love CSI: Crime Scene Investigation more. The idea of being able to figure out the who, what, where, when, how, and why of life's situations tickled my intellectual mind more than my libido.

My greatest dream is to be a mother of three kids. I am hormonally imbalanced. Meaning I don't ovulate regularly or at all. Although it can be induced, the chances of me bearing children are getting slimmer as I grow older.

In high school, my kind of guy has always been matangkad, maputi, singkit. It was only when I started working that I changed it to physically scintillating, intellectually stimulating, sexually arousing. Originally, I would have wanted someone who's emotionally stable. But considering I'm not, it's kinda unfair for me to ask for that.

My wedding colors would be midnight blue and silver. It's going to be around Christmas season, December 8, 2007 if I had a choice on that matter.

The question I expected everybody to be wrong, albeit my cousin, would be the number of siblings I have. Only she forgot I had one more brother from my dad. I have three older half-brothers, two from my mom and one from my dad. My youngest brother is the only I share the same set of parents with. To simplify my complex family, and considering that all the older brothers are married and out of the house, I write one brother on application forms. So I have four siblings, all boys including me!

I love John Mayer. I don't just want see him in concert, rather I want him to father my kids! Considering my hormonal luck problem, that would mean a lot of practice (and more practice) for me to conceive. I've been meaning to write to Oprah's Wildest Dreams, hoping that she will grant my wish to have a date with John Mayer.

My perfect night out would be a coffee conversations with a friend or two. Dinner with family and relatives have always been in-doors. So that doesn't count. Most people chose "meet my guy for dinner and have him for dessert". Much as it is appealing, the guy would have to be the one for it to be perfect.

But knowing my romantic situation right now... well, I don't have to spell it out!

first day of vacation

Officially, today is the first of my non-working weekdays. Unofficially, I won't start until Wednesday because I have to do some final turnover tomorrow. Technically, it's a freebie because I'm not going to be paid albeit free lunch.

I had another job interview earlier with the company I'm praying to join. I'm endorsed for an interview with the next level. So far so good.

They did inform me that, if ever they do get me, would I be amenable to starting in September. I said, yes, if there's a guarantee. I think it would only be fair considering.

My plans for the next month (or two...)

1. Revise and submit my thesis (two years overdue!)
2. Deliver what I promised my former boss on certain "assignments".
3. Learn how to drive... who knows I may have a car sometime in the future!
4. Read and re-read my books, especially Art of War and 48 Rules of Power.
5. Do household chores, like cleaning, doing the laundry, and ironing 3months worth of clothes!
6. Learn how to cook and actually cook for my family!
7. Go to the gym (and shed off the 15lbs I gained in the last three months!)

Hopefully, I'll have something to blog between now and then. I'll be posting the pictures of my despidida gimik with former officemates as soon as I find my digicam cable.

Tsk tsk.

I started spring cleaning my room today but I'm getting nowhere! I think I might end up having a garage sale one of these days with the numerous junk and clothes that don't fit I have!

until we meet again

Words cannot express how much I appreciated each and everyone of you for touching my life.

I wouldn't be who I am now without my (almost) three years in the family of *former company*.

With heartfelt thanks.

Sincerely,
Cecil XXX
Mobile: +63 917 XXX
Email: XXX@gmail.com